Milestones. . . and loss. They are ever prevalent in my life right now. I felt like I was on a role with seeing past all this, but then something else rears up to cloud my view. 2008 has not been good to me. I can see the good things that I have and thank god for them or I'd really be in some shit. This Friday marks the end of my beloved business. I know that you are not supposed to attach yourself to your business but how can I not. I put my heart into it. The loss is looming in front of me. . I have 5 days. I saw today that Angela put Divorced on her myspace profile. I guess that makes it all more real to me. Today is the most beautiful day I have seen in a long time. The snow on the mountains against a clear blue Colorado day. I see it. I cannot feel it. Not today. Maybe next week.
Trust. I am hurting in this manner. It is broken? When I start something, it is in my nature to believe I can do it, and never give up. Maybe that is a flaw or maybe it is a gift. I trusted 100 Mile House to deliver, and then Dave gave up. I learned to trust again, and married Angela. Gave her a vow as she did me, and she gave up. MotoHaus feels like the final straw. Maybe I am destined to go it on my own. . . . that idea feels lonely.
Fuck. I hate it when I start the week with this mental state. Fuck it. Life is still good. I don't want to be a downer. . . . .
1 comment:
Good days are ahead and all around, Max.
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