Wednesday, July 23, 2008

struggling today. .

Today Angela turned 30. I have this thing with birthdays. I love to celebrate and not take them for granted. It is the day we were born and I think it is remarkable. I am thinking about her today and I cannot help it. It is the little things I am not prepared for that make all this difficult. My kids are spending the day with Ken and then they will all celebrate it together. Where am I? I am ready to get off of work and make myself busy. Get this day over with. . . .
My soon to be ex-father in law called today to order coffee. I don't know what to say to him. I struggle with her family and although I know they don't deserve it nor do I know why I am mad at them I cannot help it. I think it is because at some point they will have to validate her relationship with Ken and I have to picture them all together. That fucking hurts. Fucking Pride. I wish I was able to just cut that part out of me. Anyhoo. . . . those with my thoughts today.

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